We all remember the first day of high school, right? We would walk in with our friends in a big group, sure that we would be friends forever. I remember being in 6th Year at school, which is roughly the age of 18 in Scotland, and seeing the new 1st Years make their way into the high school for the first time. All the girls were standing in their groups, discussing some business that was obviously important at the age of 10 or 11. I could only think one thing and that was ‘those friends you are with now, won’t be your friends when you leave here.’
The truth is, when we are young we don’t really pay attention to what true friendship really means. It was a case of ‘do you want to play mummies and daddies?’ and if you agreed, boom! – You were friends. When you get older, you form a personality, you make your own opinions and you want to find good friends. Who doesn’t want to have good friends? We want someone there to laugh with, someone there to talk too and someone there who will pick us up when we feel down. I can happily say that I have a handful of true, great friends- people I am thankful for every day. However, it wasn’t always that easy.
A lot of the time, I hopped between friend groups, I never really knew where I fitted in. I feel like a lot of people can relate to this. In High School, there’s a pressure to fit in and blend in with the trends. I remember being so caught up worrying about what others thought of me, I began to lose my own personality. Don’t get me wrong, I have some great friends from high school now, where we are almost like sisters. However, I remember the struggle was real when it actually came to finding a friend group I could be 100% myself with.
You Don’t Need to Talk to Each-other Everyday
I have to be straight with you, if you think that being a true friend is talking to someone EVERYDAY and you start to think bad of your friend because they don’t talk to you everyday, then you’re in for a shock. You need someone who acts like they see you every day even when you don’t see each other for over a year. Releasing yourself from the pressures of forcing talk everyday is relieving and it is a true sign that your friendship is true. However, don’t get me wrong, if you want to talk everyday – do so! But make sure it’s for the right reasons and that your friendship doesn’t rely solely on that.
Use the Power of the Force?
No is the answer. When it comes to telling what is a true friendship and what is not, it all comes down to if the friendship is forced. Whether you love Star Wars or not, a forced friendship can feel very fake and it is very difficult to maintain. As we should know, every individual has their own personality, likes, dislikes and opinions – which means you will never get everyone to like you and you will never like everyone you meet. Accepting that this is okay will be a great relief off of your shoulders- something I am low key still working on.
I Laugh, You Laugh, We Laugh
Aaaah, the magic of laughter. This is one thing I use always when making friends and I feel a lot of people will be the same. If you laugh at the same things, you know you are going to have a grand time together. One thing about my personality is that I like to make people feel comfortable around me and I almost always use laughter to do so – even if it means I am making a fool of myself. The truth is, finding a friend that genuinely makes you laugh is the best thing but also quite rare – so if you have a friend that you just sit and laugh with, keep them close.
You Are Not in a Court Room
I want to make this very very clear. The only person that ever has the right to judge you, is yourself. Reflect back on some friends you may have had that have passed judgement to you in a bad way – whether it was passive aggressively or direct. Think back on how that made you feel and what impact it had on you. Through my experiences with a wide variety of people, I know first hand just how shit it makes you feel when you have someone in your life that passes judgey comments at you. It is awful. The truth is, it is hard to tell what friends are doing it because they are trying to help you, and what friends are doing it because they want to make you feel bad. The way to tell this, is by seeing how completely honest you are with one another. Every situation is different and every judgement made by a friend can come out differently depending on their personality and your own personality. Afraid to say, that it all comes down to experiences to figure out how to know the difference between a friend passing criticism and a friend that is just trying to knock you to the ground.
I love seeing people bring each other up. I love that being empathetic and understanding is a part of my personality as I believe it makes me a more patient person who doesn’t make judgey comments to anyone that I don’t know very well. Don’t get me wrong, friend groups are different in high school and we all know how mean some kids can be, but it is important that, through time, we learn what it really means to give criticism to friends and not comments that can make them feel horrible.
One thing that is nice about making friends when you are older is because you are becoming friends because you want to be in each other lives. You want to try and a make a friendship with someone new and if you enter that friendship with true intentions, you will hopefully make a true friendship. I wanted to make this blog post for all of my true friends out there who are always there for me in the best ways. It is so important to thank all of your lucky stars for the true friendships in your life.
Thank you for reading and I will see you soon.